Reflections from a Shopping Centre
Whilst waiting for my Phowner
“How long until my phone is ready?” I ask the store assistant.
“I’d say about an hour and a half”
I could feel a slight inner panic. Very subtle, but my system was preparing for a mini detox.
“Ok, I’ll try and survive”, I replied jokingly and left the brashly lit Apple store and emerged into the din of the mall.
I am someone who prides themselves on being free-spirited and aware of how modern technology is designed to enslave our mind, but just because I am aware of this does not mean I am immune to this. In the slightest. And being without my phone for a short time proved to be an informative moment. It showed me how addicted I am. But it also allowed for some important reflections.
For a while now, I’ve been observing more and more people walking in the streets head down, bluetooth buds firmly in place, completely lost in the world of their phones. It’s getting worse and it seems to be particularly bad in the UK compared to recent travels I have done in Europe. In the surprisingly eloquent words of Boris Johnson at the UN summit of 2019, it will be “the UK, a global leader in ethical and responsible technology” who will lead the way. The speech is worth watching in full. Don’t be too put off by the blonde mop. I remember when I watched it, back in 2020, I was shocked not only by the content, which seemed like something from an episode of Black Mirror, but also how well-spoken he actually is, unlike the buffoon he was often presented as by the legacy media. It’s also curious to see the faces of people listening to him in the audience. Some thinking this guy must be crazy. I wonder how they would be looking at him now, four years on. Was this perhaps his warning, his cry for help, or his duty to tell us all what is on the cards so the universal laws may be upheld?
My aim with this blog is to uplift and inspire, to encourage curiosity and creativity, to wish for unity, peace and love, as clichéd as that may sound. And despite not wanting to go down that hole in this article, or in fact on this publication, sometimes we do need to look at stark reality and contemplate if our efforts are creating a world that does indeed allow for peace and love. Now back to my reflections as I sat in the “heart” of the shopping mall of my town, having my organic, home-made overnight oats and warming Rooibos tea from a thermos, surrounded by inorganic, nerve-shattering noises welcoming early-morning Saturday shoppers.
I perched on a cold slab of stone parading as a bench in the central channel of the mall, sipping my tea and eating my breakfast with a wooden spork. I observed repeated impulses to check my phone. Over and over, as if a sneeze that just won’t come. Check the time, check if I’ve received messages, look up a good café to go to, check the weather, see what the charts are doing. Many desires and needs kept popping into my mind, my hand would twitch and I’d realise I couldn’t follow through. I literally had to be in the present moment, in the real world. I knew I was dependent on my phone but not to this extent. When I’ve had times without it in the last few years, I’ve been totally fine, but I realise that’s because I’ve been in nature, on off-grid communities or somewhere far from cities. When you’re with Mother Nature, you’re never alone, or bored. Or at least, I’m not. But right in the thick of it, in the very centre of the central shopping mall in the city centre, surrounded by concrete, glass and metal, not a green shrub or even a weed in sight, all I wanted was to escape down the endless hall of mirrors that my phone allows me to access at a swipe of my finger.
The LED lights are harsh and sterile. The shops have far too much tat in and are actually selling nothing of any actual use. In front of me is a toy shop, nothing but plastic. The centre is made of glass, metal, plastic and stone slabs, all reverberant materials creating a chaotic echo of the thrill voices of over-excitable children and their parents. In the distance I start to make out an incessant whining of some machinery not working quite right. It gets louder and louder as my senses hone in on it, and I realise it’s the escalators. Every twenty-odd seconds. Every minute. All day. I’d be whining too if I were here that long, but surely, some WD40 or some TLC of sorts can eliminate this?
I flinch as I hear a loud, distorted message coming through on a choir of walkie-talkies. I notice maintenance staff rushing around. There seems to be some sort of emergency. I take another munch of my oats and sip of my tea and continue to observe. What could be happening? Two members of staff start shouting at each other. At first I thought they were having an argument and then I realised that was just how their nervous systems had learned to interact to counter the infernal din of their workplace. They were in high Beta mode. But what was happening? I continue to observe. They start mopping up key areas and then lay out on the floor black squares of rubber, finishing off with a yellow sign of caution.
The shopping mall is leaking. Nature is trying to get in.
My mind starts racing. Is this recent? A one-off? Or does this happen every time it rains? Here in sunny Blighty, that’s a lot of rubber mats and mopping.
From right next to me, I can hear music being blasted through speakers. Snippets of different radio channels until the right one is found. I look to where the music is coming from and see there’s a Heart FM stand right in the middle. The music clashes with the different music coming out from each store. Really!? Is there not enough noise?
I look around to see if this is bothering anyone else. People around me seem oblivious to all of this, and actually perfectly content.
No wonder people are sick, exhausted, overwhelmed and shut down. You have to numb a part of your soul to be in places like this mall. And to think, this is where I got my first part-time job when I was eighteen. Was the world quieter back then or was I less consciously sensitive? Or both?
The more I sit in my own attempt at silence, the more I realise how damaging society is on our nervous systems. Our bodies and brains were not designed for constant noise and artificial lighting. There’s bound to be an impact for this distance society has taken from nature. So much for rewilding, how about we do some rewilding in our own bodies? I’m sure we’d see the health of the common man and woman improve. Earlier on in the week, I’d gone for an appointment with the dental hygienist. He’d commented on how sensitive my hearing is when I could hardly bear the high-pitched noise from his cleaning prong-thingy. I started telling him how I struggle in cities now, more and more, especially since spending so much time in remote places in nature. He agreed and described perfectly the journey I was on when I returned from a recent stint in an off-grid community in the Alpujarras mountains in southern Spain. Each car passing, an anxiety-inducing intrusion to my relaxed nervous system. The sound of neighbours banging doors, or their kids screaming, more attacks. Not to forget the army of supermarket delivery vans doing the rounds, slamming the metal doors open and shut, stacking heavy plastic crates and all done at lightning speed so they can get it all done in time to go home and hear their neighbours’ TV, no doubt.
I realise this article has turned into somewhat of a rant and is hardly inspiring or uplifting, but when I write I go with the flow and it is the words themselves that will show me where I need to go. Blame them, not me. Joking aside, even though I do always try to find the light in whichever situation I also think it’s essential to cast light on the shadows. No point bypassing what is screaming at us. It’s not how we grow or learn. Or find true happiness, at least that’s how it is for me.
I promise we’ll soon head towards the light, because there is always so much natural, loving light in the world, it outshines any LED lightbulb. But before we do, one last story.
A friend of mine called last night upon her return from a short holiday in Cornwall. She was in need of a good vent.
“Hi. Can I vent? Great. Oh my God. I’m at my limit. It seems to me that it’s all the liberal lefts in particular who have lost all sense of what parenting means”.
She went on to recount the disrespectful behaviours of the young teenage boys, friends of her son’s.
“Since when is it OK to put your feet on the table? With your shoes on? Or even without? Or not to clean up after yourself after eating? They just leave everything on the table, not a care in the world. And do they not know how to pour juice into a glass without spilling it everywhere? And do you know who cleans it all up? And they don’t listen, they just demand screentime, cos that’s what they’re used to. And they want more and more of it. And of course their parents give it to them because it’s the easiest way to get them to shut up and for them to then get some peace and quiet, but what are we doing to our children? And these kids come from good, educated families. Can you imagine if they were from families with hardship?”
The questions continued in my mind late into the night. What is happening to the world, the Western world at least? Every day now, there is a conversation about this, concerns as we look upon our unruly and morose children. A few days ago, a conversation between myself and two other older ladies, on this exact theme. Conclusion? We need to be disciplining our children more. They need more direction. And where are the strong men? They can’t seem to step up to the game without society coming down on them like a tonne of bricks and accusing them of toxic masculinity. Complete strangers and friends alike come and speak to me about all of this and I don’t even have kids.
But I observe and I too am concerned.
We can all feel the current tensions in society. Relationships are suffering. Health is suffering. Our children, who will inherit this world, are suffering. I believe it is our duty to do something about this. Any change results in the accumulation of small acts, done repeatedly. What I’m trying to say is, we can each do something small every day, to better the world in some way. And if we do a few, then even better. Those small acts happen everywhere, even as I sat in that shopping mall waiting for my phone. At one point, a young girl, beautiful with long blonde hair, walking with her parents, with a slight skip to her step, passed me. Our eyes locked and who knows for what reason, but she shone me the most beautiful, joyous and open smile. I smiled back. Smiling is infectious. And it makes us feel so good. Later on, still in that same mall, another young child, this time in his mother’s arms, did the same, waving his little hand at me too. On another occasion, along my road, a young boy on a bright red bike, stopped obediently and let my mother and I walk past.
“Ladies were invented before bikes”, his mother rejoiced as she thanked him for being such a good boy.
We can be thoughtful to one another, through compassion, which they say is much like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. We can listen when someone needs to talk, without judgement or even advice, just so they can connect with someone. We can plant flowers in the streets and encourage bees to come back to our depleted towns.
Instead of going to the pub or into town, we can cycle out into the countryside, or drive out and walk barefoot in the grass. And encourage that friend who never takes their shoes and socks off to do so.
Part of the work I do is in Heart Intelligence. The Heart is the seat of our inner wisdom, it is the most powerful organ in our body. Energetically, if we can still the monkey mind, learn to watch the thoughts go by without latching on and getting lost in one of our many spirals, we can find an inner stillness. We can connect with our heartbeat, slow our breathing, and become more at one and at peace. In that stillness is where the magic happens.
Being Heart-Directed means embodying virtues such as appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding, love, kindness, freedom, truth and harmony. Living in coherence with our Heart brings benefits such as reduced cortisol and stress, a stronger immune system and a strong biofield and aura so we’re able to withstand another person’s pain more. It generates an increased capacity for decision-making for we are more in line with our intuition and brings us a stronger awareness of our compassion towards others and also to ourselves. We can hear what our inner world needs and honour that, and we become healthier as a result.
Our relationships are stronger and more real. We can lead by example, be it to our partner, to our children or to our neighbour. And with the lens of compassion, we can understand and better tolerate others.
As I sat there in the shopping mall, my nerves became frazzled but I didn’t feel anger or annoyance at anyone there. A few years ago I would have done so. Now I felt compassion and also some sadness. I wondered if in each person working, there was perhaps an inner child wanting to be out in nature, or doing something they truly love. Or perhaps this is what they love and who am I for judging? And don’t get me wrong, I still get irritated at some situations and some people, something that has always affected me greatly, ever since I was a child, is thoughtlessness. Consideration for another can remove so much strife. I do feel that the more I embody these practices, the more I am able to tolerate that which is different to my ideals. And the more I am also able to set my boundaries and recognise my own needs.
The more I awaken, the more I feel a need to spend more time in nature, in solitude and especially, in silence. I won’t hide the fact that being in a shopping mall is my idea of hell. I used to get a headache as a child when in supermarkets or anywhere with bright lights and too much choice, but I didn’t know how to listen to my own needs and the importance of feeling what my nervous system was trying to tell me.
After an hour and a half, I already felt freer and less anxious without my phone. A mini detox was a great thing, and perhaps is something I will continue to do, maybe consciously put my phone away one day a week. And in the space that emerges, sit with what my Heart most desires.
I hope we can all connect with whatever it is that our Heart most longs for.
